The time has come for new bar games because the nerds got too good at the old ones.

Let's rewind time a bit to when bars were in their prime. I don't have an exact year I'm thinking of but I'm picturing an era when a cop would simply tell a drunk driver to 'drive safe'. 1960's? Earlier? Hell if I know; I wasn't alive. But we gotta go back to a time when a bar was a hustler's wet dream. A gathering spot for the local marks who were not only simple but inebriated. In these days a guy could spend a few hours practicing pool or darts then begin a tour of small town bars relieving over-confident strangers of their weekly pay via a few friendly wagers. We all know the play, lose a couple games to your chosen mark at low stakes then inexplicably raise the stakes. The mark happily goes along thinking they found a way to win money faster only to end up quickly in the red once the hustler starts trying for real.

And then like all too many sore losers, these marks got butthurt over getting outsmarted and vowed revenge. I mean these losers went all in. They started weekly leagues, bought pool tables to practice on at home etc etc. In these guys' heads, they were gearing up an anime-style rematch with the hustler where they'd emerge victorious and the whole town would rejoice as one. LOL. In order to be a mark in the first place, a certain lack of mental acuity is required, which is once again demonstrated in their responses to being hustled. The hustler isn't coming back. You're not gonna get the chance to humble him with your new skills. He's making money hand over fist with an elementary billiards skill level while you're grinding away in anticipation of a rematch that'll never come. All you'll have to show for it is a massive skill increase in a sport that was initially meant for friendly drunk competition. Instead, anyone that wants to play now has to first reach a relatively high skill floor. Gone are the days where you could just pick up a pool stick or some darts and have a relaxing game with someone equally inexperienced.

All this rambling just to get back to my original point which is: we need new bar games. But we need a careful balance where these games undergo mass adoption while avoiding the pitfalls pool and darts fell victim to: nerds were incentivized to min-max these games.

***I want to make one distinction when it comes to 'nerds getting too good at pool/darts'. I am in total amazement at professional and even amateur pool/dart leagues. Legends like Efren Reyes and Phil Taylor are electric. These 'nerds' I refer to are guys that train overly hard at these games just to have clout when playing casually in a bar. The types to fantasize about their name coming up in conversation with the disclaimer 'oh yea he's cracked at darts'. This type we could all do with less of.***

Like many ills, Hollywood certainly plays a role here. We've all seen scenes where the chad protagonist character totally dominates the timmy antagonist character in a game of pool getting the big-titted female lead all hot and bothered in the process. Then, dumbasses in real life think that if they get good enough at pool that Stacy from HR will be all over him at the company happy hour. What happens in reality is Stacy from HR doesn't give a shit how good you are at pool unless you're extremely good or extremely bad and honestly both would probably be a turn off for her. That's me going out on a limb though, I'm not a woman after all.

What options do we have? There's been many a party game to rise and fall throughout the years, some fun, some not so fun. In my mind, we've even gotten close a couple times. Beer die is one that sticks out. Tremendously fun with the right group. Requires athleticism and hand eye coordination. Can definitely become competitive but has enough of a RNG factor where even mismatched games can go down to the wire. There's one major pitfall though. Beer die can't really be played in a bar. Now, if we're talking an awesome college bar with a huge outdoor area, that'll work, but I'm more referring to the bars many of us find ourselves frequenting from our mid 20's to mid 30's +, oftentimes in bigger cities. Bars closer to centers of employment tend to lack large recreational areas. This is a factor that lead to games like pool/darts gaining steam in the first place and prevents you from seeing beer die being played in your local NYC/Chicago/SF (insert any stereotypical city for a mid-20's middle class whoever) dive bar.

So the time has come. Friends, Romans, people with too much time on your hands, lend me your help. Lord knows I'm not gonna do anything about this issue besides point some fingers. So, creative geniuses: now's your time. Give us the gift of a fun new bar game that we can collectively enjoy for a decade (if we're lucky) before the nerds have min-maxed all the fun out of it.

This is what I ask of you.